WelCom News
A newspaper for the Wellington and Palmerston North Catholic Dioceses

Reflections on the last corporate jet to leave Wellington

It follows into extinction the huia, moa, big eagle (Harpogornis), the long-billed wren and Jonathan Livingstone Seagull. I mean Corporus Jeticus (the corporate jet), a New Zealand bird that once flew freely in our skies.

The last known example left New Zealand towards the end of September for destinations unknown. Its departure rated only two-and-a-half centimetres in that well known ecological paper, Dominion Post. In spite of the best efforts of Roger Kerr and the Business Roundtable to preserve the species it seems Corporus Jeticus has gone forever. ‘Money was not the problem,’ said a spokesperson for the Business Roundtable.

‘We have done our very best. It cost us and shareholders many hundreds of millions. The bird, after multiplying prolifically in the ‘70s and ‘80s, just seemed to lose interest and refused to breed any more.’

Ornithologists are still not sure of its mating habits even after monitoring it closely in its native habitat, the tarmacs of New Zealand airports.

Corporus Jeticus was a contradiction, shy at times but it could also be a complete exhibitionist. Strangely, neither are ornithologists certain of its sex, although it seemed to prefer the company of men in blue, pin-striped, double-breasters with cell phones, who loved to boast at board rooms around NZ, ‘mine is bigger than yours.’ It also had a powerful attraction to women.

Again, ornithologists are puzzled about the reason for Corporus Jeticus going at this time. We are in the middle of an economic miracle, a climate in which Corporus Jeticus seemed to thrive.

Here, it must be said, Corporii Jetici were a vain species. They loved to preen in front of the tall mirror-glass buildings that rose during the ‘70s and ‘80s, its heady, high-flying heyday. And perhaps this is the clue for the leaving. With no more tower blocks being built, and those in existence already empty and looking seedy, it had run out of a natural food supply.

Those wishing to make donations towards a memorial for Corporus Jeticus can leave their money in boxes provided at foodbanks throughout New Zealand.

Those wishing to refresh their memory of Corporus Jeticus can see a stuffed and mounted replica in the foyer of Equiticorp, with Alan Hawkins and Bruce Judge to show them around in two years’ time.